Agassi

I’ve got three blog entries on the go at the moment. Two of them were intended to be posted last week, but I’ve had so much going on that I haven’t had time to finish and proof them. I had in fact intended upon doing so this evening, however moments after returning home I stumbled across a tweet from the ATP that stopped me in my tracks.

The tweet posted a transcript from yesterday’s induction speech from Andre Agassi into the Tennis Hall of Fame. Of course I bypassed it and headed straight to YouTube. Half an hour later and here I am, completely discarding my half-written posts and writing this instead. Because this is a speech by a man I believe we can learn a hell of a lot from.

The girl introducing Agassi was a bit much to take, so if you’re less tolerant than me I would suggest forwarding to the 10 minute mark. From then on all you have to do is listen, contemplate and try not to worry too much about whether he’s used a high enough factor sun cream on his head or not.  I'd recommend watching the video, but if you’d prefer, you can read the transcript by clicking here.

Enjoy…

You can read the personal tributes he talks about by clicking here.

Inspiration

After writing about TED at the weekend I got hooked once again on their content and wanted to share some of my findings with you guys. Not only does the site feature talks from its own conferences, but it also lists talks from other meet-ups and discussions and speeches from Ivy League graduation ceremonies. There are loads of grad speeches on there, including a lol-tastic one by Seth Macfarlane, but there were two I found particularly inspirational and dished out what I considered to be some pretty damn good advice. First was from the Harvard graduation ceremony in 2008 and given by a woman you may or may not have heard of… J.K. Rowling. Drawing on her own experiences, she talks about failure and achievement in the big bad world, how to deal with it and how to not lose hope. I have so much more respect for people like her than the Paris Hiltons of the world. Check out the video and the quote I found had the most impact below. J.K. Rowling Speaks at Harvard Commencement from Harvard Magazine on Vimeo. “Personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a checklist of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV are not your life.” Next was a speech by Steve Jobs at the Stanford graduation ceremony in 2005. His talk covers the story of his life, from being adopted to becoming CEO of Apple and Pixar and fighting cancer. Here’s the full video and a couple of quotes that stood out for me, the second of which I believe is some of the best advice you can give a person. “You can't connect the dots looking forwards, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will connect some time in your future... believing the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well-worn path, and that will make all the difference.”   “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe it great work. The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet keep looking and don't settle.”  And that’s where we leave TED… but I couldn’t talk about inspiration without mentioning a book (yes, a book) that inspired me back at the beginning of 2010.  As you know I’m not a big reader (understatement) but occasionally I’ll start reading something and won’t be able to put it down - which was exactly the case with Andre Agassi’s autobiography, Open.  Thrust upon me by one of my bezzies, I wasn’t particularly enthralled with the idea of reading a book, but at the time I was intermittently temping, at points snowed in, and thus had a lot of time on my hands. Plus I love tennis so I figured I’d give it a whirl. I read the first few pages and didn’t look back. Agassi’s story is fascinating. I loved reading it, to the point where I had to ration myself to a chapter a day because I was literally doing nothing else – very bizarre given my relationship with books! Open inspired me so so much. For some reason I can relate to SO much of what Agassi writes about. Not the experiences, obviously, but his thought processes, reasoning and constant struggle to understand himself. In fact, as I went through the book some of his words spoke to me in such a way that I felt it necessary to make note of them. Here's a few I picked out... "What you feel doesn't matter in the end, it's what you do that makes you brave." "Even if it's not your ideal life, you can always choose it. No matter what your life is, choosing it changes everything." And finally this quote – which is one I now live by. When I’m running and I want to stop these few sentences run through my head… I may as well get one of those wrist bands and have ‘What Would Agassi Do' on it! Anyway… "This run, even if it brings on heatstroke, will give me peace of mind tonight in that all important ten minutes before I fall asleep. I now live for that ten minutes. I'm all about that ten minutes. I've been cheered by thousands, booed by thousands, but nothing feels as bad as the booing inside your own head during those ten minutes before you fall asleep." So there we have it: a collection of words that inspire me and have lead me to make the decisions I have made over the past year or so. What’s your inspiration?

Haaaaaaaave You Met TED?

The other day I was killing some time and catching up on events from the Twittersphere (cool-kid lingo – check!) when I came across a tweet linking to a video about happiness. Now, for those of you who don’t know me, here’s an insight into my teeny tiny brain – as soon as it comes to figuring out life and why people do and think the things they do I’m completely hooked. I’m fascinated by how different things affect different people and the whole psychological aspect of what influences both our everyday and life choices. So discovering TED.com was like discovering a secret stash of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk during a lengthy stint in the USA.

TED (which stands for technology, entertainment and design) is a non-profit organisation made up of two annual international conferences and a bunch of smaller projects dedicated solely to discussing and spreading ideas. No matter what your background, religion or race, TED is about sharing knowledge and inspiring others in order to change attitudes and lives.

Each year at the two main conferences, the world’s most captivating speakers are invited to each give an 18 minute speech on whatever takes their fancy… as long as it’s relative, that is. There’s no chat about favourite family holidays or who should have been voted off last week’s X Factor. The conference is extremely popular and ridiculously expensive, but luckily for us mere peasants all the talks are uploaded onto their website for our viewing pleasure. Excellent if you like to dabble in all things philosophical, not so excellent if you have a life to lead and deadlines to meet. I wrote off almost an entire Saturday because of this site. In fact I was so absorbed by it all that I believe I even missed a meal.

So anyway, this video about happiness had me engrossed from the word go. Over the past couple of years my main aim has been to achieve a good balance of happiness in general life and work, but it’s not something I’ve managed to grasp just yet. As a result, the ideas discussed in this video induced what I can only describe as an absolute headf**k. By the end of it I was questioning EVERYTHING. Is leaving England the right thing to do? Do I really want to do it? Did I really just miss a meal? Oh. God. 

This 20 min talk by Srikumar Rao, a teacher, writer and life coach, explains the concept of how people use what he calls the ‘if/then model’ (If I do this, then I will be happy), how it’s flawed because we’re constantly changing the ‘if,’ and thus how we’re ultimately setting ourselves up for failure by using it. This worries me a lot because my whole reasoning for leaving was something along the lines of: “if I go somewhere new, meet different people and follow one of my ambitions then I’ll be happier than I am now, sitting in this dungeon of an office and doing something irrelevant to my life.” But by this guy’s reckoning, once I do all that, I’ll find myself unhappy again and I’m just going to change my ‘if’ to something else, like: if I go back to England and get my dream job, then I will be happy. Ahhhhh! So am I just setting myself up to fail? AM I? I hate this website.

Mr Rao explains that the reason the model is flawed is because people do not accept the world for what it is. When you see a rainbow you stand back and admire it, you don’t stand back and say “that’s a nice rainbow but it would be better if you moved it a bit to the left and that tree wasn’t blocking part of it.” Which is exactly what we do with life… “I’ve just got my dream job but it would be better if it didn’t have a one hour commute” … “My boyfriend bought me some beautiful earrings but I wish they were the ones I pointed out to him last week.” We say stuff like this all the time.

As for accepting the world for what it is, I’m a little confused. During the several months after I graduated I definitely didn’t accept the world for what it was, but then that was hugely influenced by other people rather than my own judgement of situations. After that, my only way of digging myself out of the disaster that was 2009 was just to accept what was going on a roll with it, even though I was far from happy. Back then I was definitely guilty of using the ‘if/then model’ – if I get a job then I will be happy. Well, we all know how that’s worked out… But then on the other hand I don’t believe we should accept what happens to us just because that’s the way the world is. Yes, you can apply it to mother nature – rainbows are great and hurricanes are bad but either way there’s nothing you can do to change either; but when it comes to what we do with our lives surely it’s up to us to accept what we do or do not settle for? I’d rather strive to achieve my goals than sit back, accept my bad luck, wait for something to happen and then regret all that I didn’t bother trying for. 

But Srikumar Rao reckons there’s still hope. Apparently the way to combat this flawed model is to invest in the process rather than the outcome. That way if the process fails then it doesn’t mean you’ve failed to meet your goal, just that you need to try a different method of reaching it; and I think that is more appropriate to me. I don’t believe that moving will miraculously solve all my problems and make me happy. If anything, it’s going to be one of the hardest challenges of my life. I need to make new friends, find somewhere to live and find a job, and do all of it on my own. Even though I have a visa I’m fully expecting it to be just as hard, if not harder, than finding a job here in London. I know there’s every chance I may fail, end up travelling until my money runs out and return to the horrible job market and recruitment agencies of London with my tail between my legs. But at least I’ll be living. Ultimately, all I want to do in this next year is challenge myself and prove to myself that I’m not totally worthless as a human being – like I was made to feel in the months after graduation. 

I suppose the biggest issue I have with this ‘if/then model’ is that I can’t focus on the outcome because I don’t really know what it is I’m aiming for. I have no idea what’s going to make me happy which means I must be investing in the process rather than the outcome… right? All I know is that I want live abroad for a bit and I enjoy writing so that’s what I’m going to do. Writing this blog is all experience and, even if it’s not a paid profession, one day it may help me in some way.

So that’s that. Analysis over. To be honest I’m not really any clearer on the matter so I’m just filing it away in my brain as ‘food for thought.’ Maybe you can make more sense of it…

A Life Changing Fit of Rage

It’s been a couple of months now since I decided it was a good idea to move to the other side of the world where I know no one, have no job and nowhere to live. Ever since, I’ve been Google-ing everything, saving money and booking things like there’s no tomorrow, and for the moment I’m at a point where everything is sorted. So now that I’ve got all the necessaries out of the way, I’ve had time to kick back and think about what all this actually entails… leaving me somewhere between excitement and good old blind panic. 

At New Year, I remember saying to a friend that I had absolutely no idea what 2011 would bring me. I had no actual plans past the end of my pending hangover and the year ahead all felt a little bit bleak and uninspiring. Little did I know that only a few weeks later I would be making a decision that could potentially change the direction of my life forever. Here’s how it happened…

Back on Valentine’s Day, having had a less than perfect day at work (non-valentines related), I got home, posted my ranting national rail blog and in the midst of my work-related frustration and upset I figured that now - RIGHT NOW - was the opportune moment to set some life-changing cogs into motion. This is what I refer to as “hitting the wall”: the point where you drop to your knees, scream “I can’t take this annnnyyyymmmoooorrreeeee” and cry. Then decide to do something about whatever it is you’re screaming about, and then cry again because you’ve finally realised that you have the power to change your fate. 

A few weeks prior to that, a week or so before my 25^th birthday, a relative in Australia mentioned the job climate in her neck of the woods (she also mentioned the glorious weather she’d experienced during her weekend at the beach – not what you want to hear when you’re wrapped up in a blanket and can only see grey when you look outside) and how she always has travellers (of the non-gypsy variety!) working short-term at her company. Back then the notion of heading down under was instantly written off with a “ha! I WISH!” but nevertheless, she’d planted the thought in my mind and there it was - hanging in the vast spaces of my brain and rattled around my skull with every step I took towards my office.

As my birthday approached and the quarter century crisis kicked in, I realised that I was at a point where it was either sink, swim or hire a jet-ski to get the hell out of there. I remembered the previous year I promised myself that I would celebrate my 25^th having taken a positive step in my career, be renting my own home and have my own car. Or failing that, I’d be sat in the Rod Laver Arena watching Andy Murray loose another Australian Open. But instead here I was, one week away from that target and finding nothing had changed. My goals were still exactly the same. I had not moved. Then, exactly like in the cartoons, a light bulb appeared above my head and it all clicked. I knew exactly what I wanted and I started doing my research.

Flash back to Valentines Day and my fit of rage… I grabbed my passport, flung open my laptop and began filling out an application for an Australian Working Holiday Visa. Ten minutes later and I was done - finger poised over the submit button and ready to click. But then up popped the mini sensible version of myself on my left shoulder… “Are you sure you want to do this? It’s not logical to simply up and move to the other side of the world. What if something terrible happens? There are sharks. BIG sharks. And they will… eat you.” But then BANG - on my right shoulder appeared the smiley, spontaneous and awesome version of myself who told Miss Snooze Stations over on the left where to go. So I took this photo…

A memento of the moment that could have possibly changed my life for the worse / better. Aaaaaaaaaand… CLICK. Done.

The next morning I received my confirmation email granting me a one year Visa and since that point everything has changed. I now have hope, something to work towards and the excitement and satisfaction of knowing I’m going to live out a life-long ambition. 

I’ve done ridiculous amounts of research, made lists, thrown lists away and spent hours figuring out how I could spend the year. I now have a vague idea of how I want things to pan out, but to be honest, I know that as soon as I land I’ll ditch my plans and simply go with the flow. Yay for adventure!

So instead of a plan, I’ve put together a bucket list of 25 things I want to do / accomplish while I’m there:

1. Be accepted for Visa

2. Get on the plane (alone) without panicking / crying

3. Find somewhere to live

4. Open a bank account 

5. Get a tax file number

6. Find a job

7. Sort out a mobile phone

8. Make some friends

9. Watch the sunrise over said new city

10. Learn a new sport / activity

11. Get a surf lesson from a local surfer

12. Sydney harbour bridge climb

13. Visit the Hunter Valley

14. Take a hot air balloon ride over the outback

15. Hike in the Blue Mountains

16. Go to the Australian Open

17. Visit Victor Harbour (family friends)

18. Visit the street in Melbourne where my parents used to live

19. Visit Tasmania (to meet a newly found family member)

20. Go whale watching

21. Learn to dive

22. Celebrate Australia Day / my birthday doing something typically Aussie

23. Go to Ayres Rock

24. Visit Canberra

25. Go kayaking with the dolphins

Number 1 can be ticked off and I’m sure there’s plenty more I’ll add over the coming months, but it’s not paramount that I do everything - I know I won’t be able to do all of them. Most importantly though, and if all goes to plan, the week I turn 26 I’m not going to be sitting at home, eating a whole birthday cake to myself and watching Andy Murray lose another Australian Open final. I’m going to be there. And on my birthday, Australia Day, I’ll be in the sunshine, eating a whole birthday cake to myself with a surf board under one arm and an inflatable Kangaroo under the other. Because that it my happy place.

Fits of rage – they’re underrated!

The Quarter Century Crisis

A few weeks ago I turned 25… twenty five… a quarter of a century. Half way to fifty. Almost half way to si… si… six… no I can’t physically say it. 

When I was 18, if you’d have asked me where I thought I’d be at 25 I would’ve said the following: I would be settled in one place, probably renting somewhere to live, maybe have a car, and be on the second or third rung of my desired career ladder. Or… I’d have been run over and killed by a reversing milk float at some point and would not have made it this far. Luckily I’ve not had any run-ins with any milk floats, but I also couldn’t be further from any of those things I imagined for myself. And so beings my… *said in the style of a game show host* Quarter Century Crisis!

When I turned 25 a few weeks ago, rather than indulging in the usual ‘oh-no-I’m-another-year-older’ birthday woes or celebrating reaching this landmark age, I found myself feeling genuinely upset and disheartened at my levels of non-achievement. Having gained my dream job at the age of 18 I thought I was set. Being granted such a phenomenal opportunity at such a young age would stand me in good stead for the future - how could it not work to my advantage? Flash forward seven years (my god, has it really been that long?!) and my CV shows that with every decision and job I have taken since that point has been a step backwards. 

Over the next year or so most of my friends will gradually be hitting the quarter century mark. A lot of them are also in the process of making some pretty life-changing decisions; some are moving in with girlfriends or boyfriends, some are getting married and some are having kids. Others are simply changing their career paths or taking steps to get closer to that dream job. Whatever it is they’re doing it’s all change and I can’t help but notice that we’re all at a pivotal point in our lives where we start to decide, either consciously or subconsciously, who it is we are and what we want to be.

All this has made me think back to when I was 18 and why I imagined all those things for myself. I’m not sure it was really what I wanted, but more of a generic response that tallied up with the ‘school-uni-job-marriage-kids’ model that we have drummed into us as being ‘the norm’… which I think is the reason I spent the week or so surrounding my birthday feeling so despondent and upset. I didn’t fit into the generic model and I felt like I’d failed the basic steps of growing up.

It’s only a few weeks later, but I now realise just how ridiculous it was to feel like that. It’s bizarre to believe that everyone has to follow this generic life plan and it’s stupid to compare yourself to those who have decided to follow it. What’s right for one person is completely wrong for another – and I wish I’d properly figured that out a lot sooner.

Throughout my teenage years I’d never really wanted to go to university. I’d always thought of it as something for people who wanted to do something specific like become a geologist, doctor, vet or whatever. But I never wanted any of that for myself so I was never fussed about going. Of course I ended up going because that’s the direction schools herd you in. They feed you the idea that a degree = success and without one you’ll fail. We were simply given our UCAS forms and that was that. I filled one out, flicked through prospectus after prospectus and finally chose my Uni because it did the course I wanted and I knew there was an Olde English sweet shop in the city.

In an attempt to put it off for another year I took a gap year and almost instantly landed myself my dream job. A year later, when it came round to heading off to Uni, I’d made up my mind and decided to give it a go despite being offered a job; I’d had my taste of the working world, loved it and believed a degree would enhance my employability… what I didn’t realise was that I already had what the degree was allegedly going to get me and my choice to go with the generic option would probably decrease my employability. Which is exactly what it did do. Oops.

I refuse to regret my years at Uni though. I made some life-long friends who have changed me for the better and experienced things which allow me to appreciate all that I have today. When I look at my network of friends it’s pretty clear that we’re all in completely different places - both literally and in life. I have single friends, married friends, a couple have children already, a few are pregnant and others are still studying; and just because I don’t match up to them doesn’t mean I’ve failed. And more significantly, at this point I don’t even want most of those things!

I know I’m not in the place I want to be in, I’m not even close. But that’s ok. For the last few years I’ve been constantly chasing my career in the hope of settling myself and fitting into this preconceived model that everyone’s supposed to follow. What I’ve come to realise is that maybe I’m not supposed to be settled in a career at this point, maybe the recession is giving me and my generation the opportunity to experience something different from ‘the norm’, and maybe us ‘failures’ should all start listening to what the universe is telling us. 

To be honest I don’t have a clue. Some psychologist would probably say I’m just convincing myself that my situation isn’t as bad as it actually is. But whatever the real deal is, the fact is that I’ve reached 25 and am in a far worse-off situation than when I was 18, and this has made me realise one thing: we need to actively follow our ambitions while we’re young. Yes, a career offers you stability and guarantees food on the table, but if I got hit by that bloody milk float tomorrow I wouldn’t regret not having a career, I would regret having put off my goals and ambitions because I was too scared to break from ‘the norm’.

I know so many people who talk about their plans to go places and to achieve certain life or career goals, but then always give an excuse not to do it. I’m not denying that in some cases life gets in the way but in most cases I’ve come across it’s just the simple fear of stepping outside your comfort zone and breaking routine that holds people back. I don’t want to be one of those people and I certainly don’t want to see in my 26^th birthday and still be chasing a half decent job.

So if you really want to do something, then I say do it. We all have the power and means to make things happen so what’s stopping us? I’m choosing to listen to the universe. At the moment a career is a massive NO so I’m opting for super-secret and potentially stupid Plan B. There are a gazillion reasons things may not work out and a bunch of things that could (and probably will) go wrong, but that’s all part of the adventure isn’t it?

Right. Time to balance out the philosophical nonsense. Here's an educational sing-along exercise to brighten your day... all together now... "C is for cookie and that's good enough for meeeeee!"

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

[Disclaimer: I am about to go all deep and thoughtful on you. You have been warned.]

A week or so ago I dragged one of my wussy best partners in crime to see Danny Boyle's 127 Hours. I read the book a few years ago and couldn't put it down (one of the very few I've made it past the first few pages of), so I was itching to see the on-screen version. The partner in crime, on the other hand, is still emotionally scarred from watching The Sixth Sense 11 years ago and was jumping and cowering before the trailers even started. But it's all good. She endured it, I loved it and we both went home happy... or at least I went home happy and she went home and couldn't sleep.

Anyway, there's a line in the book which didn't really resonate with me until I heard it again in the film. As Aron contemplates his grim situation he comes out with this little gem: "This rock has been waiting for me my entire life. I’ve been moving towards it my whole life." I don't know why this made such an impact on my tiny brain, especially as when he said it my partner in crime was unsuccessfully attempting to sneak off to the nearest exit, but it did. What an awesome thought.

Over the past few weeks I've been seriously thinking about what I actually want from life and have realised that for the last two years I haven't had a clue what I'm doing. For one reason or another 2009 was pretty much written off as far as clear and practical thinking goes and 2010 was spent trying to gain any form of stability possible. But now I think about it, I'm not sure if my intentions were based on what I actually wanted or what I thought I needed. Hmm. Going back to the rock though... it made me wonder - does everyone have a rock they're heading towards? Obviously not an actual rock but a metaphorical one (unless you're one of the 0.00001% of people who will get stuck under a boulder and actually have to cut a limb off in order to survive... remember to always have your Swiss Army knife on you just in case).

I guess the metaphorical rock could be different things, or maybe even a series of things, to different people - a job, location, friend, 'the one', or maybe even an actual boulder. But whatever it is to you, you’re always moving towards it… which is quite a hopeful thought is it not? I reckon it’s quite comforting to know that whatever you're searching for is gradually getting closer by the second! Even if you achieve nothing in a whole day you're still that little bit closer, and even if you spend two years skipping about pretending everything is under complete control, it's not necessarily wasted time.

I think I'm slowly starting to realise what I currently want from life and what I personally want to achieve for myself. Luckily I haven't had to slowly saw my own arm off with a blunt knife in order to realise it, but I reckon without going through the past two years the way I have done, I wouldn't be realising it all now. I’m a firm believer in ‘whatever will be will be’ and in this instance I believe that the rock I’m currently moving towards has always been working towards me. I realise that makes no sense to anyone reading this as I haven’t actually divulged what it is I’m talking about, but all will be revealed in the goodness of time.

Basically what I’m saying is that to those of you who are monotonously job searching, frustrated with your current situation or having to deal with the fallout of other peoples selfish actions, just think... there's a boulder out there just waiting to fall on you, every day it gets closer and when it eventually squashes you against a canyon wall its going to give you hope and change your life for the better. Unless it’s an actual boulder in an actual canyon… but, hey - now that you’ve read this you’ll have your Swiss Army knife on you, and it'll all be gravy!

Right. End of seriousness. Here’s something amusing and yet thoroughly heartbreaking to lighten the mood: