The Quarter Century Crisis

A few weeks ago I turned 25… twenty five… a quarter of a century. Half way to fifty. Almost half way to si… si… six… no I can’t physically say it. 

When I was 18, if you’d have asked me where I thought I’d be at 25 I would’ve said the following: I would be settled in one place, probably renting somewhere to live, maybe have a car, and be on the second or third rung of my desired career ladder. Or… I’d have been run over and killed by a reversing milk float at some point and would not have made it this far. Luckily I’ve not had any run-ins with any milk floats, but I also couldn’t be further from any of those things I imagined for myself. And so beings my… *said in the style of a game show host* Quarter Century Crisis!

When I turned 25 a few weeks ago, rather than indulging in the usual ‘oh-no-I’m-another-year-older’ birthday woes or celebrating reaching this landmark age, I found myself feeling genuinely upset and disheartened at my levels of non-achievement. Having gained my dream job at the age of 18 I thought I was set. Being granted such a phenomenal opportunity at such a young age would stand me in good stead for the future - how could it not work to my advantage? Flash forward seven years (my god, has it really been that long?!) and my CV shows that with every decision and job I have taken since that point has been a step backwards. 

Over the next year or so most of my friends will gradually be hitting the quarter century mark. A lot of them are also in the process of making some pretty life-changing decisions; some are moving in with girlfriends or boyfriends, some are getting married and some are having kids. Others are simply changing their career paths or taking steps to get closer to that dream job. Whatever it is they’re doing it’s all change and I can’t help but notice that we’re all at a pivotal point in our lives where we start to decide, either consciously or subconsciously, who it is we are and what we want to be.

All this has made me think back to when I was 18 and why I imagined all those things for myself. I’m not sure it was really what I wanted, but more of a generic response that tallied up with the ‘school-uni-job-marriage-kids’ model that we have drummed into us as being ‘the norm’… which I think is the reason I spent the week or so surrounding my birthday feeling so despondent and upset. I didn’t fit into the generic model and I felt like I’d failed the basic steps of growing up.

It’s only a few weeks later, but I now realise just how ridiculous it was to feel like that. It’s bizarre to believe that everyone has to follow this generic life plan and it’s stupid to compare yourself to those who have decided to follow it. What’s right for one person is completely wrong for another – and I wish I’d properly figured that out a lot sooner.

Throughout my teenage years I’d never really wanted to go to university. I’d always thought of it as something for people who wanted to do something specific like become a geologist, doctor, vet or whatever. But I never wanted any of that for myself so I was never fussed about going. Of course I ended up going because that’s the direction schools herd you in. They feed you the idea that a degree = success and without one you’ll fail. We were simply given our UCAS forms and that was that. I filled one out, flicked through prospectus after prospectus and finally chose my Uni because it did the course I wanted and I knew there was an Olde English sweet shop in the city.

In an attempt to put it off for another year I took a gap year and almost instantly landed myself my dream job. A year later, when it came round to heading off to Uni, I’d made up my mind and decided to give it a go despite being offered a job; I’d had my taste of the working world, loved it and believed a degree would enhance my employability… what I didn’t realise was that I already had what the degree was allegedly going to get me and my choice to go with the generic option would probably decrease my employability. Which is exactly what it did do. Oops.

I refuse to regret my years at Uni though. I made some life-long friends who have changed me for the better and experienced things which allow me to appreciate all that I have today. When I look at my network of friends it’s pretty clear that we’re all in completely different places - both literally and in life. I have single friends, married friends, a couple have children already, a few are pregnant and others are still studying; and just because I don’t match up to them doesn’t mean I’ve failed. And more significantly, at this point I don’t even want most of those things!

I know I’m not in the place I want to be in, I’m not even close. But that’s ok. For the last few years I’ve been constantly chasing my career in the hope of settling myself and fitting into this preconceived model that everyone’s supposed to follow. What I’ve come to realise is that maybe I’m not supposed to be settled in a career at this point, maybe the recession is giving me and my generation the opportunity to experience something different from ‘the norm’, and maybe us ‘failures’ should all start listening to what the universe is telling us. 

To be honest I don’t have a clue. Some psychologist would probably say I’m just convincing myself that my situation isn’t as bad as it actually is. But whatever the real deal is, the fact is that I’ve reached 25 and am in a far worse-off situation than when I was 18, and this has made me realise one thing: we need to actively follow our ambitions while we’re young. Yes, a career offers you stability and guarantees food on the table, but if I got hit by that bloody milk float tomorrow I wouldn’t regret not having a career, I would regret having put off my goals and ambitions because I was too scared to break from ‘the norm’.

I know so many people who talk about their plans to go places and to achieve certain life or career goals, but then always give an excuse not to do it. I’m not denying that in some cases life gets in the way but in most cases I’ve come across it’s just the simple fear of stepping outside your comfort zone and breaking routine that holds people back. I don’t want to be one of those people and I certainly don’t want to see in my 26^th birthday and still be chasing a half decent job.

So if you really want to do something, then I say do it. We all have the power and means to make things happen so what’s stopping us? I’m choosing to listen to the universe. At the moment a career is a massive NO so I’m opting for super-secret and potentially stupid Plan B. There are a gazillion reasons things may not work out and a bunch of things that could (and probably will) go wrong, but that’s all part of the adventure isn’t it?

Right. Time to balance out the philosophical nonsense. Here's an educational sing-along exercise to brighten your day... all together now... "C is for cookie and that's good enough for meeeeee!"