Freedom & Reflection

Last week, after 16 months of being stuck in a role where I can honestly say I never once experienced a day I could categorise as ‘good’, I left my job.  5pm arrived, I shut down my computer for the last time and stepped onto the streets of Farringdon where I did a little victory dance and skipped off into the sunset. FREEDOM.

On the train home I reflected on the past year or so, trying to piece together the highlights. I couldn’t think of any. In fact, there were no working days I could actually remember - everything just blurred into one. My only memories came from colleagues’ birthdays and leaving days where we’d gone out for lunch or drinks. Proof that I have absolutely done the right thing in leaving.

Thinking back, I was applying for so many jobs at the beginning of 2010 that I don't even remember applying for this one. I knew nothing about the company as it was undisclosed, only the basic details of the role and nothing about the salary. Fail, fail, fail. When I was invited for an interview the first thing I did was Google the company and, ironically, for a company that said it specialised in websites, the company website included little to no information. In hindsight I should’ve know there and then that this wasn’t for me. Nevertheless, the interview took place the next day in a small room with no windows but plenty of artificial yellow light, they offered me the job and here I am today.

All in all, I wouldn't say the last 16 months have been a complete waste - if anything they’ve reminded me of who I really am, which was someone I had lost amongst the previous few years: I want to live rather than exist, and actually make something of my life.

My levels of non-achievement at work have caused me to take up running, do more with friends, see more, travel more, meet new people and generally just have fun.  On the flip side, doing a job I really didn’t enjoy has been difficult and at times really got me down. But now I’ve escaped and vow to never go back to that situation. There will be no more masquerading as someone else. Life is too short.

It’s now only a few days until I leave and everyone is asking me if I feel scared, nervous or excited. To be honest, I am looking forward to it but I don’t really feel any of those emotions. The only way I can describe it is that I feel content. It just feels right. I’m finally embarking on something I’ve wanted to do since I was young and something I’ve been planning since University, and it’s come with the added bonus of having a bit more life experience, more money, and not having to share it with someone who caused me to lose who I was in the first place.

Since applying for my visa back in February everything seems to have been working in my favour and falling into place. Even in the past couple of weeks I’ve managed to recognise the opportunities that are out there for me and find closure on other issues. My philosophy these days is just to trust the universe and go with whatever happens. If it’s meant to be it’ll work itself out. I’m in the best place I’ve been in since I was 18 and I’m worried I’m tempting fate!

I know what I’m doing is going to be challenging. I know there are going to be times where I hate it and want to jump on the next plane home, but I also know that even if it’s an awful experience and I lose my limbs to a hungry white tip reef shark / rabid possum then at least I will learn something from it and will have a story to tell. (And I’ll be able to talk about it at TED!) Unless I die… in which case it will have been the biggest mistake I ever made.

Hooray! :)